Research paper pathos

I have a long standing desire to make a paper presentation in the field of my interest. My first paper submission was in my first year B.E. It was paper in physics and i was selected. My physics professor said if u are really prepared for presentation then attend the session do not make a sloppy presentation. I did not make the presentation.

I wanted to write a research paper where i done research, downloading papers from the net and submitting it was not what i wished for, was my ideology during my college days. Sticking to my ideology, I have not produced any paper so far. I did not have expectation from my staff, add to it, i was too confused what my real interest are. I was obsessed with the idea of having a simulation run using scientific tool , which tools to use was/is a big "?"

Most of the people use Matlab, but i found it not so interesting. I searched the net, found various other tools which does the equivalent work, now question is how to learn to use them? , if any issues crop up whom can i approach. I made a decision to use scilab

Lately i have realised it my dilemma which had consumed a lot of my time and took a decision to stick to single scientific tools and to stick the area i have chosen.

But the Mother of Evil "Maths" has caused bruises, rash, boils, nausea sensation , i can not name it , i loose my appetite when i think about it.

I do not know when i will submit a research paper, hope i make one.