Research paper pathos

I have a long standing desire to make a paper presentation in the field of my interest. My first paper submission was in my first year B.E. It was paper in physics and i was selected. My physics professor said if u are really prepared for presentation then attend the session do not make a sloppy presentation. I did not make the presentation.

I wanted to write a research paper where i done research, downloading papers from the net and submitting it was not what i wished for, was my ideology during my college days. Sticking to my ideology, I have not produced any paper so far. I did not have expectation from my staff, add to it, i was too confused what my real interest are. I was obsessed with the idea of having a simulation run using scientific tool , which tools to use was/is a big "?"

Most of the people use Matlab, but i found it not so interesting. I searched the net, found various other tools which does the equivalent work, now question is how to learn to use them? , if any issues crop up whom can i approach. I made a decision to use scilab

Lately i have realised it my dilemma which had consumed a lot of my time and took a decision to stick to single scientific tools and to stick the area i have chosen.

But the Mother of Evil "Maths" has caused bruises, rash, boils, nausea sensation , i can not name it , i loose my appetite when i think about it.

I do not know when i will submit a research paper, hope i make one.

Dreams

My dreams ,

Many come in my dreams, but i donot know why they turn up in my dreams. I do not remember all my dream, some i do, lastest one has actually two seperate segment which has no link with each, let me try to describe what i can remember.

The first starts with a scenario where i am standing near railway station gate. I have been called for job by two of my colleagues Kasi and Satish. The train arrives , both of them hop to the train, hagging like monkey waving hands to me, the people cribbing for this act . They both winked at me and said the train has to go back the in the same track so wait . The next i remember i have reached the place of work . It is high tech research / defence organization . I inquire them why have u called me to join u ? , reply was u know the job . The path was narrow between two walls with stairs coming down for the door ...and my dream ends here ...

In the second i am attending a marriage of my colleague. In the reception/ party a film was being shown in which her "would be" has acted as hero . I find another friend in the same party having a nap in the sofa. I was surprised to find him because because both do not know each other (that is my gut feeling). I find people are having food, food is arranged in buffet. The wall is actually a glass panel and the people are standing between the wall and the buffet table, the dream ends.

Strange it is but i do not how to decipher this dreams but when i woke up i was fresh